|
Home Educated Kids Fight and Disagree with Each Other Too
by Beverley Paine, Oct 2005
At a homeschooling gathering I attended recently two boys needed to be physically pulled apart during a nasty fight.
It's a shock to the system to see children fighting, that's for sure. Being an old hand at homeschooling gatherings I was fairly confident of the outcome and because of the way both mothers' responded to the situation the two boys were soon playing seemingly happily again under the watchful eye of all the adults present for another couple of hours. After one boy left, the other boy then went on to play with two other children from a non-homeschooling family. At times during the game it appeared as if war world three would break out: the children were playing what looked like Star Wars, but the adults kept our distance and sure enough, the aggression never escalated beyond the fantasy world children voraciously occupied.
I was reminded of how important it is for parents to be wary of intervening too soon: to be forever watchful and ready to jump in and stop inappropriate and dangerous behaviour (and it's never soon enough when anger replaces common sense and safety). Once we intervene it's really important for us to model behaviour that resolves conflict rather than escalate it. Learning that lesson was very hard for me as my parents often dished out 'rough justice': if one kid started a fight all three siblings were punished, usually with an arbitrary and painful smack. Sorting out the victims from the aggressors isn't that easy, and it's rarely black and white, with usually far too many shades of grey!
When judging incidences like this, children need to be given some leeway as they are prone to react rather than reflect first then act. They can't help it: experience teaches this skill. It's something we hopefully learn as we grow. It's easy for children to be physically hurt by each other when playing together on playground equipment. In this case, the child that was accidentally hurt reacted and that set up a chain of retaliation that didn't resolve itself quickly, as most incidences of this kind usually do. When the adults realised the kids no longer had control and were in need of help they acted quickly and responsibly.
I've seen this happen time and again at homeschooling gatherings. The other thing I've witnessed is how the two children (both boys and girls) tend to become firm friends, sometimes with an ongoing 'love/hate' relationship. I've learned to trust the children more as I've watched them quickly resolve their own disputes. It's too easy to jump in at the first sign of trouble between these rather passionate friendships... The ones I've known have had parents who always talk with their children about appropriate conflict resolution. I'm always impressed by how these children respond: they think through their behaviour, talk about their thoughts and feelings, work hard at finding solutions, and generally have considerable empathy for their 'victims'. I am so glad that these children are homeschooled. School life generally doesn't have time for these kids.
I've met homeschooling parents who, from the sidelines, view incidences like this, and then doubt homeschooling completely, saying that if we can't control our kids then perhaps we shouldn't be homeschooling. Or if homeschooling kids act out and misbehave then obviously homeschooling isn't an effective education. But this kind of incident happens everywhere there are children: at home among siblings, at school in the classroom and playground, in the park after school, and when homeschooling kids get together. There's hardly a book written for children that doesn't have a scrap between children somewhere in the pages! It's a part of growing up. What I like is how I, again and again, witness such incidences among homeschooling children and how the outcomes are very different to those I experienced as a child growing up, or what I have seen during my time volunteering at school when my children were young.
Was this article helpful? Was it worth $1.00 to you?
Your gift of $1 or more helps to keep this site operating
offering encouragement
and reassurance to families
wanting
better outcomes for their children.
Beverley Paine with her children, and their home educated children, relaxing at home.
Together with the support of my family, my aim is to help parents educate their children in stress-free, nurturing environments. In addition to building and maintaing this website, I continue to create and manage local and national home educating networks, help to organise conferences and camps, as well as write for, edit and produce newsletters, resource directories and magazines. I am an active supporter of national, state, regional and local home education groups.
"You've been an inspiration to me, I love the way
you really listen to people." Vanessa
"Whenever I read your writing I always come away
with increased confidence in my ability to provide and
share a wonderful learning journey with my family!" Davina
"Your guidance, understanding, support and words of
wisdom changed our lives. We now offer support and
organise many homeschooling events for others." Lesley
"Thank you once again for your prompt and friendly service.
I am convinced that your books are going to add
quality and peace of mind to my journey of teaching my kids
at home! Just from studying your website, until almost
2am
in the morning, I 've been encouraged!" Louisa
"Thank you for all your many,many reassuring words
over many, many years. You probably don't know exactly how
valuable you are to the Australian Home Education community.
I've been reading your stuff for maybe 8 years or more now.
And I'm very grateful." Gythaa
CLICK HERE
if you want to learn
how to write your own education plans
to suit
your unique children's
individual learning needs?
Or you are looking for quality curriculum and teaching tips...
|
|
Welcome to the World of Home Education
and Learning without School!
We began educating our children in 1985, when our eldest was five. In truth, we had helped them learn what they need to learn since they were born. I am a passionate advocate of allowing children to learn unhindered by unnecessary stress and competition, meeting developmental needs in ways that suit their individual learning styles and preferences. Ours was a homeschooling, unschooling and natural learning family! There are hundreds of articles on this site to help you build confidence as a home educating family. We hope that your home educating adventure is as satisfying as ours was! Beverley Paine
3 ESSENTIAL STEP BY STEP GUIDES
Let experienced home educators Beverley, Tamara and April walk you through HOW to create a learning plan that builds on solid foundations that works for YOUR family AND ticks all the boxes for home educaton registration!
|
Tap into Beverley's
experience
through her books
"Your books, your blogs helped me beyond words... they helped me to find comfort in knowing it is ok to choose exactly what is best for my family." Nisha
"Your books and information are mind blowing and already I am feeling good about this new experience." Diane
"Your guidance, understanding, support & words of wisdom changed our lives." Leslie
"I feel specially inspired by Beverley's words and, the more I read her comments, the more inspired I feel, since my need for support, respect for different parenting styles, and information are fully met." Marijo
|
 |
|
The information on this website is of a general nature only and is not intended as personal or professional advice. This site merges and incorporates 'Homeschool Australia' and 'Unschool Australia'.
The Educating Parent acknowledges the Traditional Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander Owners, the Custodians of Australia, and pay our respects to Elders past and present and extend that respect to Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander people viewing this website.
Advertise on this site.
Australia's premier online annual conferences, lifetime access to video and audio recordings, freebies, notes and associated resource guides.
EVERY SUMMIT IS UNIQUE!
$29 each  2023  2022 2021
$25 each 2020 2019 2017
"Biggest and best Aussie homeschool event of the year!"
Home education is a legal alternative
to school education in Australia.
State and Territory governments are responsible
for regulating home education and have different
requirements, however home educating families
are able to develop curriculum and learning programs
to suit the individual needs of their children.
Without revenue from advertising
by educational suppliers and Google Ads
we could not continue to provide information
to home educators. Please support us by letting
our advertisers know that you found them on
The Educating Parent. Thanks!
|
About
Thank you for visiting!